So tonight, i once again walked away. Only now, i won't be running back.
I wish you cared, i wish you showed me you did even if you had to pretend to. I wish i saw that you love me lately. I wish you showed me you did even if you had to pretend that you did. I'm sitting here. Maybe i've cried out my complexion. But that's enough. I'm feeling stronger. I'm feeling better. But i'm feeling as if i don't want you to move on because i know i can't find someone who treatED me the way you treatED me. It's a shame you had to change like that.
Everything just had to start off so good and end up so bad. We both initially treated each other right, and that we've taken so many risks to be together. Halfway, i've noticed i've been treating you wrong. I admit it, i regret it. I said some things to you i shouldn't have. I should have visited you more often, complimented you more and tell you that you were my only one everyday. Should have told you that you make me smile every day. Yet i turned my back against that and treated you like how you shouldn't have been treated. I put you down, i called you harshful names. And you treated me so right... visited me whenever things went wrong, apologised even when you didn't have to. Showed me what being in a relationship really is. I guess that time i took it for granted. But i did love you, and i did care for you. And i don't know why i started treating you like that. I was enamored with your love, but things started changing. In time. Things started changing. You started changing.
It hurt me hard when i noticed you weren't the person like before. I noticed that i treated you wrong, treating someone i love like that. I was your girlfriend and you were my boyfriend. I noticed. So, i slowly started doing things i should have done earlier and always post poned. I bought vanilla ice cream and toppings to build you that ice cream mountain you always wanted. Started visiting you when things go wrong. Let me take the faults and say sorry when i knew it just won't cut it. I chose making an animation on post-its instead of studying for you. Let you take the win. Let me take the blame. I kept on asking for you stop when you went too far. You didn't. You're more confident now. A bit over confident. You say things you don't understand what it means. You play hard to get when things are so bad. You argue with me when i really want to talk to someone at night. Then the next day you call me and act as if nothing happened and that you didn't hurt me like that. You brought my family down. Like i said, you can bring down me. But not my family or friends. You doubted me so many times thinking i'm cheating on you. You continue having your time on the phone.
Tonight, i found out. That the way you're acting now, you enjoy. You feel better getting everything out of your chest. Even when you say the most harshful things, it would still satisfy you. But with no consideration, you hurt me. You tell me you won't go back to the person you used to be until i change. You haven't noticed? I have. I've been trying to. What else did i have on my list to complete for you? Folding a thousand paper cranes for you, filling a jar of lollies with writing made out of snakes on the outside, buying you a digital photo frame with our photos in it, making a collage on canvas, buying you a hulk figurine with your face on it, take you to the powerhouse museum when we have the chance to, making you a fairy bread. And i planned to come visit you this saturday arvo and suprise you with food to attempt to cook for you and your family to make up for yesterday. I guess you didn't care. I guess you didn't appreciate it.
It's over now. I'm feeling relieved. I'm feeling stronger. If we broke up when you were you before, i would have felt like so shit. But now, knowing you're not the guy i was -friends with before, the person i made a bet with to who would stay single the longest, the guy i kissed with an onion breath, the guy i fell in love with- i shouldn't miss a thing. Because the person you've now become. Is someone that doesn't deserve to be missed. Just, to feel sorry for. Though, i don't want to know if you've moved on. I don't know why, i don't want to know that because i still love you so much, and that i think nobody could treat me the way you did. And that i don't want another girl to take what i had. And to love the person i had. And to experience things that i cherished so much. I just can't take that. But on the other hand... you're different now... so why should i be jealous for?
So please, don't worry about me. I'm fine. If you loved me the way you say you do, if you cared for me the way you say you did... then why. Did you have to change like that? Going on as if nothing happened. Next week is our eleven months. But technically it would've been about a year we've been together. But we've experienced so much. I'm blaming myself for not trying hard enough... for not knowing when to stop before, for not showing you my love enough. But now you're not doing it. And that you're only acting the way you are because you're "scared" that if i'm treating you so nice all of a sudden, and you treat me right, i'll end up treating you bad again. I hoped we would treat eachother the same. Not something like "if you cheat i'll cheat".
But baby, you can take your attitude. And shove it right up your ass. Because i'm so sick of you treating me the way you are. Expecting sympathy, when really, i feel sorry for you. I'm going to be alright. I would have stayed if you didn't change.
I miss the guy i went to taronga zoo with months ago. But he's not there any longer. He can't even try to be the person he was to try to fix our relationship. Why did you stay all those times for? I wouldn't know. I miss the guy back then. as for now... kiss my ass bitch.