and it really does get better in time, it really does.
what brought me back to post my final post in liisahr.blogdrive? curiosity tells.
reading through my old blogs dating back to more than one year ago, how i notice the dramatic change.
i was hurt, i felt that life doesn't matter anymore. i turned into someone i couldn't even picture, someone i didn't even know the person i becomming of. it somehow felt beautiful to live a life where you rely on yourself and nobody seemed to care... but it's ugly when you notice the person you were fucked up because you would kill to have another chance of that chemical that constantly drained your heart out.
i was in pain, i was begging for him back every night wishing he would be that one again to do me right, only to realise he done me wrong. after the breakup, it was then i realised i was in the centre of a collision, i could't turn back the hands of time because i made one fatal move that could hit my every now and then. i sat and wonder if this is really what we both wanted, or if it was maybe something he was enjoying to sit and watch someone slowly bend on their knees asking, baby please. the feeling, unforgettable. maybe i was so caught up with him that i tried to only picture him with me, maybe it was. the cute things he did for me, made me feel he was the only one. and when it ended, everything slowly fell apart right in front of me. everything hitting me all at once. if this blog could reach out to atleast one person, thankyou. i was hurt, i can say that again. i still remember things, i don't reminisce them though.

it's been more than a year, and i'm thankful to say things have really changed... for the better. if you're hurt, if you're dying inside... from experience, and considering the present, trust me. you can't hold onto that dreaful feeling inside forever. i met this guy from my ex, they were friends. awkard. it was. was. we spoke a couple of times, we made bets several times, we still do hahas. and the times i wanted to speak to someone, he was there. the times i thought there was this really 'it' guy i recently met, i told him about him. he did the same, kept on asking me what he should do and about this girl he recently met. i tell him to give it time... it's like time's reached it's point now. we became friends, i remember sitting at the park where i would have my dog sitting on my lap. i remember calling him not for the fact that i felt for him, but for the fact that i was bored. LOL. i remember asking him to have lunch with me for the same reason, because i didn't have anyone else to have lunch with. we made a bet one day, we told eachother, 'whoever stays single the longest wins'. it's funny, we both had too much painful experiences we didn't want to experience it again. it's crazy though, all those times i met up with those guys i randomly met, the times i thought using a rebound would be a cure to my past, and that i couldn't find another. silly me, the person was in front of me all along. why i couldn't smile like how i did again... i eventually did. the night he confessed, a genuine smile covered me.

sometimes i still think about how hurt i was, and still am about the past i experienced... that's true. sometimes i still wonder why i let "him" get to me like that. in the beginning, it was so beautiful, until something, someone killed it. but the fact he was changing into someone i clearly didn't know anymore... hurt me too. but i think to myself, it's the present that matters. you fall in, you fall out. you struggle, but in the end it's worth it. because i'm with someone now, who does piss me off very often but i love him. 

you can fall in, you can fall out of love. you can see the plain truth right in front of you. you can cry so much, you can cry yourself to sleep to make it all better. you can cry if you see "him" walking with another female asking how he's moved on so quickly. but that time will pass... then you can cry for the times you argue with your partner knowing you love em' so much, you can cry for not giving up, you can cry for being happy once again. 

IN A CONVO WITH DAVID.
Sleeping at work please disturb u sick prick says:
u just hate me coz im black =[

AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHS !

"accept reality"

CABRAMATTA RESIDENTS !
my jack russel dog ran away last week,
his 6 months old, caramel brown & white
has a brown colar is probably running around somewhere z
unless you have him (glare)
so please, if you see my dog. please comment, OR
add me on msn, or call. thankyou.
(if you ate him, i'm going to eat you, fucker.)

so trials are comming up, & so are school certificate.
& some of my senior subjects clashed so now, i chose
2u maths, adv english, ipt, sdd, ipt (tvet). 
well, still good to me :)
going to start studyng very soon.

today, $25 got my hair done. :)
voila.

i haven't blogged in ages, sheeshkebabs.
well here i am, blogging yet again.
daily routine & chyea.

remember that uptown girl i was talking about a while ago ?
that's right, alex. zee alex tran. he threatened me to mention him in my blog.
HAHAHAHAHAHAS, no wait, he begged me. he BEGGED.
wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, he dyed his hair purple. oh & decided to get a haircut aswell, & like what i thought of him before, his "aightttttttt" ;)

watch alex evolve into an emo
Before evolution

Aftermath

so is he HOT or NOTTTTTTT ? :D you decide.
will he make it for the dragonball movie ? HAHAHAHS.

note : sorry about the size alex, i had to stretch you out a bit. LOL

so this blog was based on ex pippy long stockings.
NOW for the real thang. "read new blog which is above this" :D

it might take a year or so, but OH WELLLLLLLLLL. if the feeling's gone, then it'll do.

last night, was reminded of him.
was questioned about him.
sudden stop, sudden silence, when i heard his name.
spoke to my cousins, told her how we met, how we ended it.
all the goods that happened in between us. & how i still think about him everyday.
told her how i'm still hurting inside, how i wished that last chance to be together could have worked out.
told her about all the cute things he did for me.
& told her how i screwed it up, how i made those mistakes i shouldn't have.
looked to the rain sprikling, it got me thinking.
& so my other cousin comforted me, told me the person he's first love, really hurt him. how he can't put his trust in another girl again. but he's feelings for them would never be the same. he said it'll take time, said it took about a year & a half for him to let it go.

& for that dream last night.
that final kiss, unfortunately, i had to wake up to reality.
if being friends, is the only contact i can have with him, then let it be.
10th October 2008, Brian McKnight - 6,8,12.
sounds crazy, it's unbelievable how i can still remember the date,
reminisce all the things that happened picture perfect.
i remember the email i sent to him, the first one where i really thought about what i was going to say, how i really put my emotions into it, asking for him to give me some time. well this time, each & every blog i've been posting mentioning him, it's just as the same. i put my feelings into it, because hey, it's a blogpage, it's a journal for me.  

today makes australia's history.
minus 100 degrees celcius.
excellenttttt ! great way to celebrate moonfestival.HAHAHAHS !
poor guys.
speaking of which, i'm going to get a mooncake :)
brb.

okay back.
no wait, brb again.
showeringgggggg.

well, i'll continue blogging ladurhhhh.
after sims 2 :)